Identity or choice?
As I read David Congdon’s article (“Understanding polyamory”), it occurred to me that the polyamory conversation is categorically different from the one about LGBTQ identity.
For 25 years, I have been arguing that sexual orientation is not a choice. Like skin and eye color or the year we were born, our sexuality is not something we choose but something we live with. In contrast, marital status is a choice. In a free society, we get to determine our family status. Whether we are single, married, divorced, or polyamorous, we have made a series of decisions in order to arrive in our situation.
I disagree with Congdon that “the case for polyamory could . . . be substantially easier than the cases for queer love and same-sex marriage.” While there is no biblical prohibition against polyamory, scripture’s polygamous relationships tend to read as cautionary tales. For example, Jacob, Leah, and Rachel (and Zilpah and Bilhah) are not a family model to be emulated but a tragedy wrought in a dishonest business agreement between two men.
