All the things we allegedly are
Attention mainline Protestants: a conservative Christian candidate for president would like to point out that your institutions are in decline, and that he doesn't mind because you're not Christian enough, anyway. Take that!
I enjoyed this spirited response from Sarah Morice-Brubaker:
Yes, yes, woe is the mainline! Somehow, through feats of ecclesial
failure so masterful that they defy logic, we have managed to be: