When the church lets you down

Dottie was a Steel Magnolia, the sort of strong, beautiful Southern woman whom I always aspired to be like (and somehow always failed). Her relief was palpable when she made the decision to join our church. “After being in a religious environment that was so terrible for women, I’m so happy to find a spiritual home,” she said as I hugged her.

Sometimes people who are past retirement age can make their first major religious decisions for themselves—apart from what their parents expect, apart from what their spouse would endure, apart from what their children want. It brings a sort of elation when it happens.

I met Dottie when I was just starting out as a pastor. The Southern Baptist Church had declared that wives should “graciously submit” to their husbands. There were many women in the Deep South who had been Baptist all of their lives, but this declaration still hit them like a boulder. With those two words, their fate was solidified.