"You go to the Oscars, so nervous you clutch your fellow presenter’s hand. And the next day, you wake up to a bunch of cheap goddamn shots about your face."

"The Cool Girl never nags, or “just wants one” of your chili fries, because she orders a giant order for herself."

"Jennifer Lawrence is Hollywood’s current girl crush, and she's got a bright career ahead of her—as long as she maintains her youthful looks until her deathbed, or else picks the appropriate moment to crawl into a hole to wait to die."