While this blog has been on paternity leave, other people have continued to say things. To wit:

"A public personality can be black, talented, or arrogant, but he can't be any more than two of these traits at a time."

"We are told that we might explore one woman's garden and 'make friends with her bees.' Hold onto your epipen and your insulin pump, folks." (pdf)

"I own Trouble Coffee so that people recognize my face—so they can help me."

"The most astonishing thing about the vicious public brawl over GMOs is that the stakes are so low."

"I remember thinking once that maybe my children’s memory span is as short as my grandma’s – maybe they don’t hear the repetition, and that’s why they’re not frustrated by it. But then, at the dinner table, during one of these cycles, my oldest shot his eyes at me."

"The colon would be unremarkable if the sentence read 'To begin with: Marley was dead.' But as written, this sentence is insane."

"Allowing users to create three-dimensional versions of virtually any shape right in their own homes, 3D printers were universally recognized as the 12th easiest way for Americans to acquire guns without a license."

"Frappuccinos are essentially a form of Monophysitism, having their coffee nature swallowed up in milkshake."

"Bounce from side to side on imaginary hand trampolines. Repeat until academic muscle is exhausted."

"Tyson’s birthday wish is also expected to become very profitable, very fast. When asked what his secret is, Tyson whispered, 'I threw the cheese in the sofa.'"