Reframing our story

I often have people ask me how they can begin speaking at conferences. I don’t know why, but I’m always a bit wary of people who are eager to hop on the conference circuit. It’s silly. I certainly wanted to speak at conferences before I did it. I would open up a brochure, see the sparkling faces, and think, Why are they speaking and I’m not? Speaking is a calling, like anything else. Most of us have an interest in pursuing and honing our craft. So I don’t know why it makes me nervous when other people want to do it.

Maybe it's because I want to say, "Be careful what you wish for. It's hard on your family. It's even hard on your body." I want to tell them all of my mistakes. But then I just sound silly, ungrateful, or not aware of my privilege. The truth is, I've been speaking at about two to three conferences every month for almost eight years, and I still really love doing this. I don't know how long it will last, and I get nervous because speaking is now my primary source of income. I'm pretty sure my fifteen minutes will be up at any moment. But I love being on the move and meeting new people. I don't have a lot of travel anxiety or the need to control details, so that's helpful. (Although, as many times as I have been stuck in the airport with no way to get to my conference venue, I wish I had paid a little more attention to the particulars.) 

I suppose I just see speaking as a means to an end, and if there’s no end (in our case, a message that needs to be communicated), then what’s the motivation? Why would we want to speak? Plus, if I'm honest, I have to say that I'm a little uncomfortable and tired of being a well-worn stepping stone along someone’s path to greater things.