When the green-eyed monster strikes clergy couples

Some of us clergy couples struggle with jealousy. Some of us don’t. And sometimes we’re split on the matter. It took my partner seven and a half years before she felt the envy. Then (finally!) the other month the Rev. Jamie looked me in the eye and said (for the first time), “I am so jealous of you. If one more person says they’re going to give you a stole, I’m going to scream.” 

It was right before my ordination—almost six years after I graduated from divinity school and almost five years since she got her "the Rev." I was less a latecomer and more on the scenic route, taking the long way through denominational barriers and transitions. Finally I was arriving at this one milestone, and my stoles were coming along too, as friends and family near and far texted her pictures of their personalized creations, hoping for her input and hoping to surprise me on ordination day.

There was the red one from my dear friend, its rich, vibrant color the highlight of a simple pattern; the green one from my mom, with appliqued leaves to symbolize nourishment and sustenance; the many-colored one from my church, with bright, brilliant colors splashed against black fabric; the white one from my colleague in ministry, its sun rising over hills, doves flying off the fabric—the dawn from on high breaking upon us, giving light, bringing peace, as in Luke’s scripture for the day.