Why do people cheat?
Several of my friends found inspiration in Katherine Willis Pershey’s recent encomium to fidelity in the Century. But I felt a strong aversion to the article, a reaction that’s led me into a period of self-examination. Upon reflection, I have almost no objection to the actual content of the article. It’s what Pershey doesn’t say—stuff she is not obliged to say—that has my attention.
Fidelity is a wonderful thing. Adultery is a horrible, destructive sin. But if we want to promote fidelity and empower faithful people as they resist temptation, we should consider what actually happens when well-intentioned people violate their marriage vows.
My perspective is my own. I’m a 49-year-old man who survived divorce without having committed adultery. I take very little credit for this success; I regard it as a gift from God. I still hear the voice of my pastoral care professor, the great Wayne Oates, admonishing Southern Baptist men (mostly) on the dangers of sexual misconduct: “Don’t think you’re above it.” I’ve never regarded myself as above it, and I certainly don’t consider myself morally superior to other people who have failed.
