Servant, predator and too-entitled pastors

When I began in ministry, it was usually men who took the time to advise and counsel me. I was in a more conservative area of the country so there were few women, and the ones who were there were far away from the rural swamp where I served. They were in more urban areas, miles from the lectionary group where we sipped chicory coffee.

As grateful as I am for their time and mentorship, it took me years to sort out that I needed to consider the source of a lot of the counsel. As a 26-year-old woman, I was dealing with different issues than the pastors surrounding me. Here are some of the things I often hear in ministry, that I’ve had to adjust for my circumstances.

You are a servant. Yes, I am a servant. A servant of the church, and a servant of God. However dwelling on servant-leadership was not the best thing for me when I entered the parish. People who hear me preach generally respect me. But when people who don’t know me enter the room, they look to me to get the coffee. I am someone who wants people to be as comfortable as possible, so I happily oblige. I like to jump to fill every one’s cup. Then I quickly become the fetch-it girl and never make it to the leadership part of servant-leadership equation. So I spend a lot of time reminding myself, “You’re not a servant.”