The Church of England doesn’t currently permit weddings for same-sex couples, yet the culture has moved decisively away from seeing marriage as exclusively between a woman and a man. I now offer same-sex couples my standard two marriage preparation sessions. Interestingly, I’ve found that these conversations aren’t much different from the ones I was already having with wedding couples.
That’s partly because a good deal of marriage preparation is particular to the individual couple: the sibling that died, the parent who refuses to believe anyone is good enough for their child, the past relationship that casts a long shadow. I once asked a prospective spouse, “Given that you’ve experienced the worst a marriage can be, may I inquire how you’ve found the confidence now to be entering it a second time?” I didn’t get an answer—the three of us sat in silence for a whole minute.
But it’s largely for the opposite reason: most of the issues a couple faces are quite generic. A lot of my colleagues see their role as simply facilitating the couple’s conversation. But so many people have told me how grateful they are for what their pastor said in marriage preparation that I’m convinced there’s still a place for counsel as well as counseling. I’m not one for mottos like “Never go to bed angry,” but I do think there are three simple words a couple may continue to ponder year after year. Each requires the unlearning of another word.
