My daughter’s wedding vows made me think about what it means to receive
Taking is possessing. Receiving is a gift.
When my daughter requested some sample vows to look over for her wedding, I sent her the customary sheet I give to all couples. The eight vows I’ve compiled on that sheet reflect a diversity of traditions and linguistic styles. If a couple seems interested in writing their own vows, I encourage them to consider phrases from these samples, mixing and matching however they wish. “If you write your own vows from scratch,” I tell them, “just don’t make them too long or too syrupy. Remember: these are promises, not sentimental love poems.”
When Rachel and Dave returned their 43-word draft, it was the opening line that caught my eye: “I receive you, Rachel/Dave, to be my wife/husband.” I’ve performed nearly 400 weddings, and this is the first time anyone has suggested using the verb receive in their vows. Nor have I ever thought to consider it an option. Every one of the sample vows on my sheet begins with the words, “I take you.”
When we take something, we feel possessive about it. If I’m standing at the Dunkin’ Donuts counter selecting a baker’s dozen for my officemates, I point at the trays on the sloped shelves and say, “Let’s see. I’ll take two chocolate frosted. I’ll take three blueberry glazed,” and so forth. And there’s nothing wrong with feeling proprietary about the donuts I choose and then pay for.
