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A minister in the Church of the Brethren whose ordination was invalidated because he is openly gay said he will leave the denomination and be ordained in the United Church of Christ. Matthew Smucker of Kalamazoo, Michigan, said he is “physically drained” by the controversy involved in being the first openly gay minister in the 135,000-member church.

“I don’t feel the call to stand in the middle anymore,” he said in a church news release. “In this case, it’s too personal. It’s affected lots of parts of my life in ways I don’t want to repeat.”