My long loneliness and the church's love

As I prepared to be ordained recently, my mind kept returning to the people in my life who might be perplexed by this decision. I have friends and colleagues who wonder, quite justly, what the church has to offer that one cannot find elsewhere. I thought about how I might describe what pulls me toward ministry and the church in particular.

In my head, I heard two questions: Why this path? Why the church? In many ways, my choice was not obvious—perhaps especially for someone in her 20s. Among many of the young people whose voices I hear, conversation about sources of meaning in their life rarely includes the church. They mention many good, worthy things: authentic friendships, romantic relationships, family ties, political engagement, careers that are both purposeful and humane. Yet they rarely mention the church. Why did I choose it?

My answer touches on what Dorothy Day described as “the long loneliness.” Throughout my life, even with the love and care of friends and family, I have felt another kind of loneliness—one that hovers just beneath the surface, that settles into my very bones.