Iâ€™m still looking, scanning, skipping right to the end at times, or settling for the gist on the first page, readingâ€”more selectively across the yearsâ€” but reading just the same, in the news and novels, articles and extracts, poems even . . . searching for the one, the word, the sentence that can tell me what itâ€™s all about, why Iâ€™m here, will not be here much longer, where this morningâ€™s golden-leaving autumn beauty comes from, why, and what itâ€™s for, who thought this whole thing called existence up and maybe has a clue about its shape and size and possible duration. While all the time, beneath, behind, beyond the endless pages, the unrelenting streaming of the words, it unquestionably happens, keeps on happening, without any hope or need for explanation, moving on, while I stand wordless, gasping in its tumbling wake.